The beginnings

The original Hint

self

4/22/20262 min read

Before the internet was flooded with fan theories, there was Hint (1986)—the movie that turned "knowing too much" into a slapstick art form.

Released just a year after the box-office disappointment (and later home-video triumph) of Clue, Hint was the gritty, low-budget, and deeply confused younger sibling. It didn't just parody the board game movie genre; it dismantled the very idea of a murder mystery until the only thing left was a pile of broken furniture and a bewildered audience.

The Plot (If You Can Call It That)

Set in the drafty, suspiciously plywood-walled Bland Manor, the film follows six strangers—all of whom have been blackmailed for things like "borrowing a neighbor's lawnmower without asking" and "faking a sneeze to get out of a brunch."

When their host, Mr. Anybody, turns up dead (or at least very sleepy), the group must sprint through secret passages that usually lead to the laundry room to find the killer.

The Iconic Cast

  • Professor Lavender: A man who claims to know everything but can’t find his own glasses even when they’re on his head.

  • Mrs. Puce: A widow who has buried four husbands, all of whom died from "natural causes," provided you consider a falling piano natural.

  • Colonel Mustard-Gas: A military man with a name that was deemed "too dark" by test audiences, resulting in his lines being poorly dubbed over with mentions of "Colonel Honey-Mustard."

The "Three-and-a-Half" Endings

In a bold move that baffled theater owners, Hint was shipped with four different endings. Depending on which theater you visited, you might have seen:

  1. The Butler Did It: But he did it by accident while trying to swat a fly.

  2. They All Did It: A synchronized murder that required a rehearsal schedule.

  3. Nobody Did It: Mr. Anybody just tripped on a rug and everyone overreacted.

  4. The Missing Ending: A rare fourth reel where the cast breaks character and spends twenty minutes arguing about the catering budget.

"I didn't do it! But if I did, I certainly wouldn't have used the Lead Balloon. It's aerodynamically impossible!" — Professor Lavender’s last stand in the Billiard Room.

Today, Hint is celebrated at midnight screenings where fans throw tea bags at the screen and shout "That’s just a suggestion!" every time a character offers a theory. It’s a masterpiece of the "so-bad-it’s-brilliant" genre, proving that sometimes, you don't need a clue—you just need a Hint.

Which of the legendary "Hint" weapons do you think is the most absurd: the Lead Balloon or the Heavy Sarcasm?